why didn't you poke me back
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
