: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
