Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
