I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
