wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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