Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
