you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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