They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
