I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
