yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
