I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
