did you get engaged???
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
