god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
