I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I love you. Go after that dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
