i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
