shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
