i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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