if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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