I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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