I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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