I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
