I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
