I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
pop tarts are not kleenex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
