i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
