wakey wakey hands off snakey
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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