u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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