Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
