my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He shit in the fireplace
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
