I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
