my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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