There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
