I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
