I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit