is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.