Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.