ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon