just tell him i said nine months
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.