Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.