Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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