Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?