I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
