i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My dick has a subreddit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.