dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
