she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
