My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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