i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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