she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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