My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
