Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
