I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is my gift to your gina
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
