Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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