OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
