He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
