i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
