you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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