dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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