i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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