Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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