glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
