I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
