I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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