you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
