she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
