don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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