Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
