grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
