I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
