Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
