There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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