you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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